Press Release, 10-19-2012

After some 30 years in the trade, we, here at LTR Perfect Analysts & Assoc., are sad to announce that the Proofreading Division has been permanently closed and all staff laid off.  The reason for this is diminishing, if not non-existent, profits and a disturbing lack of rewards.  And, while the client base has always been small, it is noticeably disappearing while consumer complaints are increasing.  It has been hard for us here at LTR Perfect to comprehend the lack of customer satisfaction given our expertise and perfectionism, for which we are quite well known and specifically sought out.  The pro-bono work had taken over the business and, until yesterday, comprised the bulk of our work.  In the beginning, this had been quite rewarding as we were well satisfied knowing we had done an exemplary job, even if it was not openly appreciated.

We have noticed a trend of late, that being that the language is transforming itself once again as it always seems to do according to my husband, an amateur student of such things.  What I’m now going to call “Old Modern” is now on its way out the door “TxtSpk” taking its place.  This may B d reason 4 d lack v NTrest N R services.  Those v us N this trade fear that d Nglsh lnguage will devolve N2 a frm completely unrecognizable buy todays standards, as Olde English S 2 us 2day.  May even reach the level once held by OLDLATINWHERETHEREWERENOLOWERCASELETTERSORSPACESBETWEENWORDSNORWASTHEREANYPUNCTUATIONOFANYKINDLEADINGTOSOMEBITOFCONFUSIONASTOWHERETHESENTENCEENDEDANDANEWONEBEGANONECANEVENGETINTOCONFUSIONREGARDINGTHEWORDSTHEMSELVES

the R/D Dept. has startd clabration w/resident Major Geek N dvelping sofwar that converts frm old modrn 2 txtspk ND back agin.  will send nother PR when rdy

While wrkng on de software, wanted 2 let u no v thngs weve noticed while cleaning out the warehouse:

whom – scads of very dusty pallets.

Its – Again we have crates of unused its.

Semicolon – this one apparently hated 4 not only do we have dozens of unused pallets (and lord nos these dont take up a lot of room) but we also have crates upon crates of returned semicolons  its fraternal twin the full colon is popular, but we seem to be running out of the word and while there is a backlog of commas n periods.

Apostrophe’s and “double apostrophes” appear to be holding there own but theyre now “confused” about there job.

Hyphens – have lots of hyphens

ly – have a warehouse full of ly chopped off adverbs.

Adverb – the word itself is gathering dust in a corner

Subjects – if ur missing any subjects to go with your unattached verbs, we have many to choose from:  I, you, we, they, he, she, etc.

dont no wat 2 do bout capitols N lower case ltrs – dont no witch to thro out txt spk dosnt uz caps n OLDROMANDOESNTUSELOWERCASE

side note mail is coming addressed to ms anal  was confused til i realized d junk mail was picking up info from mailing list:  ms letter perfect anal and the program picked out d title N d last word (which was abbrev.) 4 last name


Leta T. Right, Analyst

LTR Perfect Analysts & Assoc.

Company names:  APPEAL – American Perfectionist Proofreaders Editors & Analysts, Ltd.

ANAL – American Nerdy Analysts, Ltd.

LPA – Letter Perfect Analysts

About Laurie Higgins

I play with clicker training - with my horses, dogs, and cats. I also attempt to grow vegetables with the hope of one day being able to feed my family from my garden. My daughter and I are learning ballroom dancing. Well, we were. But she left me for a paying horse job, so now my husband and I are learning ballroom dancing. I'm also now helping Peggy Hogan, of Clicker Training Horses (and The Best Whisper is a Click) to teach people how to train their own horses using "clicker training".
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